In Honor of Fathers Day…. R.V Mickens

“… You showed me love was all you needed… Heaven couldn’t wait for you…”

I remember coming over every other weekend after my moms and pops split… My dad felt like he had to work overtime to provide for us. He worked hard too almost three jobs… He was the Original Julius from Everybody hates Chris

My dad would pick us up on Fridays at 6pm and he’d take us to our grandparents house. We’d love to go over there, our granny would bake for us, we’d play games and she was a retired school teacher so we played school even & our Papa would give us anything we wanted from food to shoes… We’d get money for our good report cards… They had this really big porch and on nice days sitting out there after we got ice cream or slurpees or going to the park….. I’d swing and slide while my older brother played basketball with the other boys. When I got bored I’d go find my papa, he’d be reading a newspaper and smoking his cigarettes. I’d sit by him and watch my brother play basketball….

We use to try to hide his cigarettes once we figured out they weren’t really any good for him. But he’d always either find them or buy more and the cycle would start all over again…

Papa wasn’t into going to church but he had a Holy Bible that you could tell was well read it was so torn up.. He believed in God. He never stopped my granny from going to church. Or from taking us along… He use to ask me about my dreams and what I wanted to be… Those dreams went from being a boxer to being a singer to wanting to help people… But he was down with them all! When I wanted to be a boxer he’d hold his hands up and let me practice my punches… When I wanted to be a singer he’d have my granny record us singing all type of songs just to play them back later …. And when I wanted to help people well…

Papa got secretly sick at some point. Him being the man he was he didn’t want to go to the doctor. Like a lot of men .. One day we went over and he got light headed and stumbled up the porch stairs… It seemed like I blinked my eye and he was in the hospital bed at Hurley with a catheter in his bald head it looked so painful and so uncomfortable. For the first time I seen my papa and he was not talking… That was the first time I saw my brother cry since we were kids and the first time I’d EVER seen my dad cry at ALL which made me all kinds of emotional…He had a brain aneurysm..He went from Hurley hospital to Mclaren Hospital… Still not responsive.. Then he went into a nursing home maybe mid or the end of January 2009….

February 2009 papa died… This was one of thee hardest things I’d ever encountered… He was one of the men who was a reminder as to what I need to look for in my future husband. He taught me to dream, he taught me to have standards… Hell he spoiled me… I always felt like there wasn’t men made like my grandfather anymore… He was a great provider, protector and he loved his family…

In Honor of Fathers Day coming I wanted to write something in memory of him… He played a very important part in my life. I learned a lot from him while he was here and even more in hind sight. I can only pray that whomever I spend the rest of my life with treats me how he treated his wife and family… I love you Papa… Rest in Peace R.V Mickens

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The thing about such betrayal…

So as of late I’ve noticed a lot of shady things that have transpired around me. And me and some friends have discussed these things.. The main topic just so happens to deal with dating or relationships. Allow me to travel off subject just to come back to my point for a second ..

We often say or talk about losing friends in life and making changes. Those things aren’t always going to be cut and dry situations. The friends we lose aren’t always going to be the new ones. The things we have to change aren’t always going to be the things we didn’t like anyways… We are going to have to dead some deeply rooted friendships and we are going to end up changing some things and situations we’ve become attached to.. That’s how life works.. That’s what allows us to flourish..

Now to the dating/relationship betrayal I’ve witnessed from other parties… Say you are dating a guy/girl for a good while ( a year or more) and for whatever reasons you break up and sometime down the line one of your friends begin to see this guy/girl that was once yours… You’d feel betrayed 8 times out of 10… And that’s fine… But look at it this way after it’s all said and done you loved the person you dated and you love your former friend (I’m sure that friendships dead) so since love isn’t selfish why not just be happy for them instead of the ladder? Or the norm of being mad? … Of course it’s wrong by you but when you love people you want them to ultimately be happy. And you were and are done with the ex… If he/she makes your former friend happy let it be… Now of course your going to hurt or feel some type of way for a while and that’s fine it’s just making you better for later..

I’m almost certain some of you feel as though I’m trippin. I’m not trippin you’re just too emotional for your own good. I’m not making an excuse for anyone to be a sucky friend. What I’m doing is trying to convince you to sticking to your guns of being a good friend. Unconditional love says I want you to be happy, ownership says your mine… In friendships we need to practice unconditional love just as we do in monogamous relationships. You die to your selfishness daily to make the other person comfortable… We have to learn to remain true to the thing we say we are… And in sticky situations like the one stated in the previous paragraph we can’t bend or change our character just because everyone doesn’t operate with the same beliefs and values as us…

This was literally just a very random thought that made perfect sense to me. I decided to share to see what other peoples opinions are on such subject matter… Feel free to comment or drop me a tweet (@JodAyE_Dukes) or and email (thatsmyjam90@gmail.com) for further discussion… πŸ’‹

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Sowing seeds of discord….

A few days ago I was having a conversation about how tv is changing the quality of life that people are living… There is so many reality Tv shows that show way more negative thing thn they do positive and people are watching those shows and making those people’s issues and problems their issues and problems…

Not Everybody!

So don’t come at me all I don’t! or that’s not true! it’s true and maybe it isn’t everybody but it’s a lot of people who do…

LastNight I was on twitter and I saw Necole Bitchie tweet a link for a post she wrote on a video Tyrese made talking about this very subject. I couldn’t agree more with him…

Here’s the video link to watch his take on the matter:
http://youtu.be/9KBKGG1h5J4

I’m not ever telling you what to watch or what to do, but what I am telling you is to protect your happiness and your situation from all things that shift or alter your mood into a place that isn’t happiness, growth, prosperity and truth…

Jordyn Anese πŸ’œ

Advice from Jordyn Anese πŸ’œ

I was asked sometime ago from a woman I use to work with

Am I shallow or wrong for wanting a man that looks good?

My response to this for all women/men who happen to have the same questions is:

No. You’re never wrong for wanting the person you devote your time in to be attractive. However when I say that I mean attractive to you not to everybody else. If you are looking for everybody to approve the look of you guy/girl you’ll lose every time. I think you should like to look at the person in which you’re with. And never let someone who’s interested in you make you feel like you’re single because you don’t share their interest. Sometimes that’s the case and others not so much. Do what works for you when it comes to dating and deciding who you spend your time with or not

Love Always
Jordyn Anese πŸ’œ

And if you love me, let it be beautiful…. (Video Blog)

http://youtu.be/O3i4Gh4a8M8

1 John 4:18 ESV
[18] There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

1 John 4:12 ESV
[12] No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

1 Corinthians 16:14 ESV
[14] Let all that you do be done in love.

Galatians 5:22-23 ESV
[22] But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, [23] gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

1 Timothy 1:5 ESV
[5] The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 MSG
[1] If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. [2] If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. [3-7] If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end. [8-10] Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled. [11] When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good. [12] We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! [13] But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

Valentines Day as I remember….

I can remember the first romantic thing someone did for me… It was on valentines day…

I was in High school and My valentine was away at college… Maybe forty five mins away from me but still away from me. I wondered how that day would end up. Or if that day would even turn out to be anything special. I found myself accepting the fact that valentines day due to our circumstances would be

Just another day

Not to mention he didn’t think of it as a big deal anyway.

I got to school that morning and as the day went on I saw other girls with bears as big as me. Balloons and flowers. Cards and candy… Because I had truly accepted the fact that my valentine wasn’t around I was happy for those girls I thought

Every woman deserves to be surprised on Valentines day

A little later my cousin Ashley came and got me out of class with a security guard and I’m like

Awww shit they done caught me skipping class!

When we got to the front of the school I looked up and my valentine had sent me pink flowers, a pink bear, a card, and some candy… I remember the card saying “Happy Valentines Day booder, I’m sorry I couldn’t be there but I wanted to do something for you”…. He had his best friend bring everything to my school… I think I might’ve cried but I was thee happiest girl in the world! He’d pulled off this surprise without even hinting anything to me ever!

That was an amazing moment .. It wasn’t because of the gifts, it was all about the thought behind it and gesture. I’d only seen things like that happen on TV, it hadn’t happened to me before and I honestly never expected it to…. But in that moment for that moment he was thee MAN. I don’t think he understood how much that meant to me back then.. I felt loved, thought of, appreciated, wanted…

Every good woman deserves moments like that!

Happy Valentines Day

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HomeWrecker…

Home wrecker …. This term is usually defined as a woman who knowingly took it upon herself to pursue a man who is already spoken for (A husband, some other girls boyfriend)… There are millions of home wreckers in the world… These women lack respect for themselves as well as other women as a whole… Society doesn’t teach us to respect other women.. Society questions women’s ability to do damn near anything these days so they aren’t respected by themselves and sometimes not by the opposite sex….

…But there are women who are unknowingly put into that situation….

It was a nice day (Keep in mind I’m from Flint,Mi so when I say nice day I mean in general,the weathers kind of bipolar)… I was at work doing what I did best.. LEASING AGENT DUTIES… And a current tenant walks in the office I look up and to my eyes pleasure I saw a fair skinned black man, about 5’10 nice build, full lips, fresh hair cut, Stacy Adams dress shoes, khaki creased slacks, Ralph Lauren black pea coat, and a Louis Vuitton scarf wrapped around his neck…. “I’m here to pay my rent”… He said to me as I stopped what I was doing and thought I had to get to know him… I pointed to the front room speechless couldn’t say a word…

He walks up to the room and then comes out my boss with the receipt book .. “I’m in the middle of something, do you mind helping this gentlemen?” She said with this strange look on her face… Not like she was frustrated from being busy but like she was up to something…

Of course I obliged she was my boss… So I spoke to me “Hi what’s your name? And the apartment number?”… He told me his information.. As Im writing the receipt for him he noticed that I’m listening to jazz and that I always tend to be listening to jazz when he comes in (See this wasn’t my first time seeing him in there it’s just this time was the most relevant) He says “You like jazz huh?”… I tell him “Yea it’s real mellow I enjoy listening to it while I’m at work it makes my day easier”… He gives me a look… Then he creates some small talk… Come to find out we have a few things in common…

He gives me his number before he walks out… I play the role as if I only put it in his file but I’d put it in my phone too ;) .. (he had something,I just wasn’t sure what)… So like a typical girl I found a reason to send him a text made it real convincing but he was smart that nigga caught me…

So we became cool he explained to me there were three other women in his life at the time and I’d be competing for time and I told him me and a few male friends were courting and he too would have his work cut out.. I made the decision to mention him to my closest friends…. That’s when the bomb was dropped… My homeboy said “That nigga got a girl, she cool with my girl and she stay with him..”

Let me say this I had NO CLUE about this girlfriend because to my knowledge he was talking to three other girls… Not dating them… So I let it ride for a day or so… And then I asked, he was caught so he told at that point I explained to him the type of woman I am… I said “I know my role and I play it well, meaning if I choose to be a side chick then I will be that but to be thrown into that position unknowingly is where I draw the line.”…. He explained his position and I told him once he handled his unfinished business if I was still single I’d be willing to start over but at that point things had to end…

I made the choice to be with him after He told me he’d broken up with her about a month or two after I told him where I stood, I heard him but I didn’t believe him until he could show and prove.. Understand I knew she’d still be around as a safety net that’s common… That’s what people do… But thats why I decided to not cut ties with what I had going on until I saw something real forming… The thing is I’d played the role of “Home Wrecker” before based on my decision. This time I was pushed into that space and painted out to be something I’d retired after one go round… It’s uncomfortable but somebody gotta live through it to coach the next person… Why not be me?… Maybe it was my karma for my previous behavior …

The ex-girlfriend got real bad though came to check me out at the leasing office even… Her and her friends had a field day trying to paint me out to be a home wrecker when in this situation it wasn’t the case… I’d get text messages and such “Ol girl coming at you on Instagram!” *Screen shot of her post*… Some smart quote or my favorite one her and her home girls making bug eyes in a photo (Priceless)…

For awhile I talked myself out of saying anything to her EVER! .. But it got to be a bit much for me, so I came at her on her Instagram post we went back and forth and then we took it to Facebook messaging…***PAUSE*** had it been like now I would’ve gave her my number and let her call me, but then nah I was good on her she’d done some silly things after he “Handled his unfinished business” and broke up with her… ***PLAY***

Moving along to the Facebook messages… They started out as adult conversation ya know putting it all out there trying to clear the air… Which at that point I felt like we were getting somewhere… Then of course like any other hurt typical female she went for “The kill”… She was all “He’s been playing you and I’ve wanted to tell you but blah blah blah”… Lying she knew good and damn well she ain’t want to tell me for my benefit but more for hers then anything… But I knew better “You’d be surprised what I know”… That really pissed her off she started sending over screen shots without the name showing and just getting deep into this.. But I was too calm too cool too damn collected… “You’d be surprise what I know, and you have no clue what type of arrangement we have”… *laughing out loud* See me and dude knew what was what with us and she wasn’t the queen on my chess board merely a pawn in the game… After I let her speak her piece she told me she was cool with remaining Facebook friends after our talk… So I let her stay, if she wanted to suffer seeing that guy with me that was her life..

Needless to say something took her for a real ride… I reached out and she wasn’t feeling it… Honestly I had NO malicious intent when I reached out. I’ve always taken pray life and praying for others seriously and just because she’d been messy with my situation didnt mean I’d do the same to her… She unfriended me and I haven’t heard from her since…

This very situation put some hardships in areas of my relationship when it came to his family due to friendships the ex had built within… Understand none of this is something I’m proud of but I lived it. I’ve grown from it… There are things such as respecting other women as well as myself that I will take from this…

Checkout my girl Kitas YouTube video on Homewreckers : http://youtu.be/QRgLlt1lCW8

As far as him and I go… Stay tuned ;-)

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