Home » Uncategorized » The story I’m suppose to tell.. Broken Silence **Must READ**

The story I’m suppose to tell.. Broken Silence **Must READ**

Earlier today I did my normal and read the Daughters of The King daily devotional… And it was called “Broken Silence”…. It went on to talk about how the woman struggled with having an abortion at a young age. It spoke on how God had forgiven her she wasn’t ready to accept his forgiveness….

Well I commented on the post revealing a secret I’ve been keeping for years and it went to Facebook and became very public…

At the age of 17 I got pregnant by my first love… But I was 17 and he was 19… I a senior in high school and he was a sophomore in college… In my mind I knew I wasn’t ready for this and neither was he… I played with the idea of keeping the baby ya know being a young fierce mother. With him being away at college though I thought it would be hard and I felt like if I made the decision to keep the baby I’d ruin his life. He never said that to me, but that was my thought…. I begin to think that I was just a few months shy of graduating from Flint Southwestern Academy (High school) and a few months shy of being the bell of the ball at Prom… All completely selfish thoughts but at 17 those thoughts seemed reasonable… I’d seen my mom raise my brother and I as a single mom. Sheila was strong she raised us correctly though but I had dreams of being married well off into my career… Again selfish but I thought it was reasonable…

Giving up my child for adoption was never an option… Because I didn’t and still don’t believe in carry a child and bonding with a child for 9 long months and then giving it away…

I’d seen girls and knew girls who made the decision to have an abortion and they walked around like it never happened. As if they were fine… So at that time I felt like it wasn’t a big deal, me and him could go on about our lives and live like we’d planned… It seemed to be the best decision… He questioned if I was sure and I thought I was….

The day came when it was time to have the abortion and I was nervous as all get out…. Understand I went to the clinic and it was myself my mother and her husband (My step father). The guy I was with couldn’t be there because he had to work and he was in school and back then I wasn’t about the life of pressing an issue… As I sat there I began to feel like a girl who got knocked up by some random John, who didn’t even know my name… It was girls of all different races in the room who looked scared and ashamed…..

I paid at the front desk and continued to wait… Then the nurse came and got me and it was time…
The abortion took place and I felt empty… I was in soooo much pain… I remember thinking “OMG people are going to hate me if they find out. Why did I do this?” I wished it was a nightmare… The physical pain was bad but the mental pain was even worse…

As time went on I wanted to get a puppy and my boyfriend at the time got me one. She was a little too turned up for me so he had to give her back…I began to really want a baby, the slightest bit of gas made me touch my stomach in hopes of it being a baby…

I hadn’t forgiven myself, I hated who I was for what I’d did.

I put all my love I had for a child into my older cousins daughter who is my God sister Courtni.. She is beautiful, I love her as if she was my own… She made me feel okay like I could move forward…

But I still hadn’t forgiven myself..

Last year I began to trust in God more and do more of his work. And through prayer and scripture he spoke to me and made me realize he had sent me a forgiveness request a long time ago I was just too busy seeking validation through other things… I decided to accept his forgiveness and forgive myself…

I’m telling this very personal story not looking for pity but to help someone out there who is struggling with this same situation or something similar… We all make mistakes and we all try to seek validation elsewhere… But God wants you to look to him for all things… He is willing and ready to forgive you as soon as you confess and set yourself free by accepting his forgiveness…

If anyone reading this needs someone to talk to concerning this matter I can be reached at thatsmyjam90@gmail.com

God Bless 💋

5 thoughts on “The story I’m suppose to tell.. Broken Silence **Must READ**

  1. I admire your courage for sharing your story Jordyn. I had thought I was pregnant in 2010. My boyfriend at the time didn’t want a kid as he didn’t love me and he didn’t want to marry me (his parents would have forced him to marry me if they found out I was pregnant). I wanted to keep the baby and raise it on my own; whether he was in the picture or not. He said his parents would disown him if we didn’t marry and I kept the baby. I knew I could get the support eventually from my family, even though they would have been “you made your bed now lie in it”. Sadly, he talked me into getting the abortion if I WAS pregnant. I cried so hard. I know it’s not the same as getting an abortion, but wrestling with that decision is so hard. *Big hugs for you Jordyn* I’m glad you know and are at peace that God forgives you. God loves everybody, no matter what (at least that is my belief).

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  2. This is touching, I have currently been working on forgiving myself and others for what they have done to me, and I promise you I’ve never seen life clearer!! Thank you for you story!!

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